I’m so good at it. Seriously. I think having opinions is awesome, but hey, being really good at having opinions…that’s fucking awesome. But hey, that’s just my opinion.
Ask me about anything. Do it. Come on. What’re you waiting for? Ask me! Seriously. The Wrestler? I love Darren Aronofsky, but I thought it paled in comparison to the sprawling, tragically underrated The Fountain. Ulysses? An overrated, bloated attempt at an overly elaborate stream-of-consciousness aesthetic. Oh, you said baseball? I could’ve sworn you said Ulysses. You know, the James Joyce masterwork…well, masterwork to, ha, other people.
No, seriously, keep asking me. About cooking. I don’t really cook, but chicken is hands-down the most pedestrian poultry you can eat. Laundry? I don’t really do laundry, but Snuggle is a great fabric softener…for philistines. Computers? Could barely fix one, but I’ll tell you one thing: the age of the PC is over. PC, of course, standing for plebeian commoner. Apple Nation forever!
Oh, also: at some point, ask me for my opinion on Machiavelli. I don’t know why, but I was just reminded of that.
The great thing about having opinions is not just having them, of course, it’s willing to share them. Why squander your talents and let them dwindle into oblivion? Sharing is key. That’s not even an opinion. That’s a fact. Sometimes I won’t even greet people before I start sharing my opinions. I won’t even stay loyal to the topic at hand. I say we might as well cut to the chase.
I love reading and watching opinion, too. I only read books about other books instead of the original books, RottenTomatoes.com instead of movies, and Fox News as opposed to anything truly news-related. People just consume things to share opinions on them anyway; I’m just ahead of the curb. You know why? Because I’m really good at it.
Oh yeah, Macchiavelli. I forgot already. Love that guy. Oh, you said “Do you have any other skills or talents?” Well…I, uh…I thought you asked about Macchiavelli. Good stuff.
