You see this mic right here? It’s not even connected to anything. I just keep it with me whenever I’m in Urban Outfitters or Starbucks, or even Children’s Hospital. They’re always playing something awesome, and I’m like “Hey! I totally recognize that 80s Top 40 hit that’s been playing on the radio, MTV, and VH1 for twenty-something years, and aren’t I special for it!?” So I just get up and belt it. Right there, doesn’t matter. By the way, I’m an awesome singer, aka vocal stylist, if you will. I have perfect pitch. Did I mention that already? Because I do. Yeah, I have perfect pitch. Or absolute pitch, whichever term you like. I mean, it’s no big deal and all, but like, you hear that radiator? It’s buzzing at an E-flat. You don’t believe me? Go check, jerk.
I mean, anytime Journey comes on, it’s awesome. It comes on a lot, but still, you got to just let it all out. I like to throw in some vibrato, a little harmony too. Just go a third up, you can’t go wrong. Don’t worry if you don’t know what I mean by that. No big deal, you wouldn’t understand anyway. Music theory stuff, really in-depth.
Look, I know that riffing on good source material doesn’t make me innovative, and by no means could I write something original, but I think I can make a tune my own, you know? Vary a couple notes, throw in a little “oo-ah” and “yeah-yeah” action…that’s how you personalize it. That’s how you make it yours. As for “Don’t Stop Believin’,” you should see how long I could hold those high notes. That song goes over so well at the Children’s Hospital, you wouldn’t believe. Ha, you wouldn’t believe. Funny because it’s…hey, the radiator just rose to an E. Did you get that? Did you hear that? Half-step up? Sweet.
People say I should karaoke. It’s okay, but sometimes you have to listen to other people sing and you have to wait for your turn, and that’s not my speed. Just sing, right there. Wherever. Even if someone else is singing, just go ahead and upstage them. Drown them out if you can. That’s what singing is all about. Or at least that’s the impression I got; I did musical theatre in college.
