I have a whole list of ways to get people’s attention. I’ll blow a bubble of gum and pop it, I’ll drum a little bit on the water cooler, whistle a song, sing parts of a song loudly, fling a rubber band at you or near you, open the door loudly followed by closing the door loudly, shout “AYYYY!”, bring my ukulele in and strum it (just the open strings, I don’t know how to play it), flick the lights on and off, drop coins on the floor by accident, use the stapler harder than necessary, cough and grunt unusually loudly while I get coffee, shout “Ow!” as if I hurt myself in the hopes that I interest your curiosity, curse as I spill milk on the countertop…that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I’ve got all kinds of things I do in the office to make sure that, when I enter the break room or the main building, people turn around to notice me.
Why do I do this, you ask? Well, I don’t usually have anything to say, and if I do, it’s usually just small talk about the Red Sox game or American Idol, or even criticizing the boss’s remarks in staff meeting. It’s not because I want people to look at me, either, because (1) I have this weird stage fright when a lot of people are looking at me simultaneously, and (2) I’m very difficult on the eyes. Like, ungodly ugly. I’ve had this butch-ogre-skin-plague style going for a while; it’s mostly in the facial area, and it turns out that years of white-cream-in-a-jar skin therapy doesn’t help.
Perhaps I want my colleagues to know that I’m around in case they need to ask questions or need help, but I neither have the knowledge base to answer nor the willingness to help. Hmm. Well, I guess that extinguishes all the primary reasons why I would concoct a whole list of strategies to get people’s attention…and I don’t have any other reasons up my sleeve…so I guess I have no excuse for my highly annoying conduct. Oh well. Hasn’t stopped me before; why should it stop me now?
