Are you guys talking about swine flu? Jeez, no one even talks about that anymore. That’s so outdated. It is pretty scary, though. I heard it was worse than actual flu; that’s why it’s getting all the attention it’s getting. I don’t know where I heard that; I think I was at a bar and some really drunk weirdo came up to me and told me, laughing, that I should be terrified of it. That things will end up like Outbreak or something if we don’t quarantine all the Jews that invented and released the plague. I don’t know, something like that…but I totally heard it somewhere, and that counts for something. I mean, regardless of this whole Jew situation, swine flu is not going to stop me from eating pork, or those delicious burritos at, oh, what’s that place called…Chipoatel? Their food is so good. I went there with my sister a while ago. I gave her shit for buying one of those vegetarian bowls where they don’t even give you the tortilla but you pay the same amount anyway. I mean, less for the same price? Is she an idiot? Answer: yes. Derrr! Ha, I love that noise: Derrr! God, calling someone a retard with that noise is just so damn funny. Hey, have you guys seen that Johnny Knoxville movie The Ringer? It’s definitely one of the best comedies I’ve ever seen. Everyone’s always talking about Blazing Saddles or Night at the Opera or that one war movie with the red phone even though the movie’s in black and white so you can’t even tell it’s a goddamn red phone…um…well, anyway, it’s all about this guy in the Special Olympics who doesn’t need to be there because he isn’t slow brain-wise, and man oh man, it’s good stuff. I think Katherine Heigl is in it, too. She is so hot, man. There are so many offensive things I could do to her right now, right over this water-cooler right here, if I had the chance. I know about the whole ridiculous company policy won’t allow me to say them, but, just know that when I see an attractive woman, I have very inappropriate thoughts about her, which shouldn’t surprise you. It might surprise you if, for example, Jerry said it. Lord, that guy. The last intelligent thing to come out of that guy’s mouth is Henry’s cock. Whoops, I just said that out loud, didn’t I? Uh oh, I might be in trouble. Guess I have to go talk to the chairman, who is, oh wait, who is he? Oh, right, he’s my father. Wonder what he’ll say to me this time. I hope he doesn’t slap my wrists too hard; I just have so many things to write up today.
