Hey, listen, I know that all ten of you guys are absolutely famished, but can you just come over and I can cook for you? I have a pretty sizable jar of couscous I’m trying to finish. Do you guys like couscous? I can put it on bread or something; I have some bread. A little couscous and bread sandwich. Sounds filling to me, I don’t know about you. I can even put a candle in it, it’ll be like birthday couscous! That’s how they did it when I studied abroad at that refugee camp.
No? Well, can you at least pick me up something? Where are you going? You know, for your birthday dinner? What do they have there? Is it just like a burgers joint? Hmm…Don’t know if I like burgers; they don’t taste all that much like couscous. You think they have couscous-y things? Tell you what, can you go to that one place in Westmoreland and pick me up one of those pizzas with mashed potato in them? I know it’s really expensive…I mean, I don’t know if it’s even open, but that’s all I can really stand to eat right now. My stomach’s really fragile, so I think a large pizza with cheese, potato, and bacon is just about all it can really take. I know it’s about two miles out of the way and everything. Actually, it’s probably closer to my house than it would be to where you’re going…nah, you should just get it for me. I mean, it’s your birthday; a perfect day to do somebody else a favor!
Oh, also, speaking of favors, I need money. Like, about fifty bucks’ worth. I’m kinda strapped because I had a pretty big party with some mutual friends (sorry I didn’t tell you about it) and I pretty much cleared out the liquor store of cheap beer. I know, it’s bad timing, I mean, two days before your birthday and I didn’t even realize it could’ve been a party-type thing for you. I know, I know, but I’m struggling over here and I wanted to go to a concert tomorrow, maybe see some other people we both know and oh man I wasn’t supposed to tell you about that. Um…well…I, uh…happy birthday, don’t forget my bacon-pizza!
