You know how you, not even a moment ago, said, “I’ll see you tomorrow”? Well, it’s 1:30am, and we’re supposed to get brunch at 1:00pm, but, because it’s after midnight it’s technically Sunday, so when you said “I’ll see you tomorrow,” you said you’d see me Monday, which isn’t true. So basically, you were kind of lying. You know, like that time you didn’t come to the PTA meeting with me because you had to take your daughter to dance lessons…well, your husband told me himself: you don’t even have a daughter! You were kind of lying then, too.
I’m rarely up after midnight around friends, so I don’t get a chance to correct people. My husband gets his fair share, though. His sleep schedule’s pretty odd, because you know, he does those 48-hour shifts down at the fire station. So he’ll come back at 3 or 4 in the morning depending, and tell me to pick the kids up from school tomorrow, and I’ll say, “Nuh uh uh, I get to pick them up today…Get it!?” And then he’ll look at me weird, because he just saw a puppy burn to death. I’m up pretty late unless I use my usual cocktail of Ambien, NyQuil, Jim Beam, melatonin, and valerian root-infused chamomile tea. Like I told my husband, those herbal supplements are a medicinal miracle. Speaking of medicine, I’m almost out of melatonin. I should tell him when he gets back that I need him to pick some up for me tomorrow.
And by tomorrow I mean Monday, because I have a pill ready for tonight. You see what I mean, because it’s technically Sunday, so…yeah, you get it now.
